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(This contains nothing but Spoilers for Game Of  Thrones)

  Dear Sansa,

The first rule of Stark club is that you do not talk about Stark club. The second rule: if your brother has been murdered and then zombified trying to free you from a rape castle, and is currently throwing his life away trying to liberate your ancestral home, don’t withhold key tactical information and takes sides with the slug that arranged your fathers murder, threw your aunt down a hole, and friend-zone stalked your mother her whole life. Specific and lengthy, but powerful. Now you could argue that Jon is a bastard so that rule doesn’t apply, and I could argue that you were born with Cinderella’s beauty, the ugly step sister’s temperament, and the pumpkins intellect, character, and hair.

On the list of trustable gingers you rank below;

A fire cultist who burns children

A cunnilingus aficionado who shot Jon in the leg

A bear fucking wildling commander

Several whores

A different fire cultist who also likely burns children

In terms of crimson betrayal you fall somewhere between a Prom Night Period and the Red Wedding.

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I understand that it has been a brutal few years. Do you know who else who had a brutal few years; your preteen tomboy sister. She’s been kidnapped and tortured as well. Mind, when shit went down she started making murder lists, knifed her way through bar brawls with the hound, freed a magic assassin, hustled her way to bravos, aced a king’s guards mid-molestation, won a blind duel with a different magic assassin…while suffering from multiple gut wounds, only to peace the fuck out back to Westeros when she ran out of dudes to murder. You got passed around like prison cigarettes and sewed a coat. Not your fault, though were it not for Rickon’s[1] inability to run in a zig-zag pattern you’d have the least effective Stark nomination locked up.

Some of this feels a tad unfair. Not as unfair as the last giant giving up his life for a needless feint, but unfair. Hopefully you can find a roofing ladder so you can look Wun-Wun’s widow in the eyes and explain how he died for your complicated feelings.

wunwun

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[1] That kid managed to get fake murdered, kidnapped, and actually murdered without saying or doing anything.

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