Over the past two days I have listened to this song eighty seven times. My wife almost left me, a persistent synth backing track scores my life, and I invented names for the band members:The Cheerocrat, Little Miss Crazy Eyes, and Larry Bird’s Daughter
While trying to hype up a co-worker for a max squat attempt I told her to “Deal from strength or get crushed every time!”. It’s not bad advice in that context, but it was said without irony and that is problematic. And yet I can’t stop watching it.
Let’s address the elephant in the room; the staging is flawed. I’m all for insane jingoistic show tunes delivered by damaged children, but I stand by the adage: The Righter the message, the Tighter the choreography…and that mess was sloppier than a step dad at purity ball graduation. Were they even trying to do the same thing? Because someone needs to tell Little Miss Crazy eyes in the middle that the others were doing glee club hip shimmies and she was all drunk Bette Midler working a river boat drag show . If you are going to be fascist you need to be precise; it’s their only positive trait. Aside from that it is perfect and I just want to know the backstory.
The rational part of me understands that the girls whisky soaked father probably stumbled into their room in the dead of night and informed them they were going to sing America great again. The poet in me imagines Little Miss Crazy Eyes watching an Obama-Care debate on CSPAN, ripping out a clump of her hair, kicking over her meticulously segregated doll house, and writing this gem in a creative fury one afternoon. I assume the sisters went along out of fear, and in the hopes that they could save the farm with the sweet residuals. It’s doesn’t matter if any of this is true because it is all less crazy than the nightmarish anthem that has become my one unbroken thought.
“Cowardiiiiiiiice
Are you serious?
Apologies for freedom.
I can’t handle this.
When freedom rings
Answer the call!
On your feet
stand up tall!”
Freedoms on our shoulders
USA!
Enemies of Freedom face the music
Come on Boy’s take em down!
President Donalds trump knows hows to make America great
Deal from strength or get crushed every time!
Flawed But Fixable 
You are awfully brave to anonymously attack little girls that are brave enough to defend the greatness of their nation. You mother must be proud
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I mean, sure, it takes a certain amount of courage to pick a fight with three pre teen girls but I wouldn’t say I’m a hero. Certainly others have said that, and I didn’t argue, but Canadians do try to get along.
I do take issue with the matter of my anonymity, in that I post under my real name, at the address AJVALLIANT.com, under a header that is a half naked picture of me. Aside from going house to house reciting my posts from memory I’m not sure how much more direct about my identity I could be.
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Dammit…now it’s in my head.
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