Overview

 The Sphinx was borne from the union of the no account snake torso-ed Goddess, Echidna,  and the deadbeat father of all monsters Typhon. Due to the eclectic genetics of her  parents her lovely human face was perched atop the body of a winged and ample bosomed lion, with a decorative snake tail on the back end. Note that she did not have a snakes tail, her tail was an entire Snake, attached to her lion butt.

The Sphinx’s early life is murky, but at some point she flew from her homeland of Ethiopia to take up residence on the coast near Athens, on a big rock by the road. Shunned by cliquish lions and smug people bodied humans the Sphinx grew embittered with the politics of her new home. Hungry and alone the Sphinx decided to channel the pain of her isolation into a cruel game of riddles that she would spring on passers by. The prize: go about your day. The punishment: Strangulation and then consumption. The historical records are unclear if she strangled them with her lions paws and ate them with her human mouth, or if she constricted the snake around their throats so it could then swallow them upwards into the Lion Butt. I imagine this being a source of contention for both ends.

She ran this grift for an unspecified period of time until Oedipus sauntered by and solved her riddle. Yes, that Oedipus. The Sphinx took it poorly and committed suicide by hurling herself off of the side off of the rock. Oedipus went on to have a terrible day. The end.

Continue reading →

Overview

If the oceans were a high school Selkies would be the damaged drama kid that discovered an English accent in the tenth grade and started dating the janitor because he used to be in a band. Selkies were magical seals with the questionable gift of shedding their skins to walk on land in the guise of humans. What would inspire a creature give up a life frolicking in the waves for the drudgery of a bipedal existence on the Scottish coast? At first, curiosity. Second, true love. Well, true love facilitated by the wrinkle that any who finds the Selkie’s shed skin can trap her in human form, forcing her to remain on land. You see Selkies were careless with both their hearts and their pelts, and momentary dalliances with fishermen often became long term relationships when their paramour stumbled upon the Selkies discarded husk before the Selkie’s walk of shame back to the ocean was complete.

Continue reading →

Continued from Terrible Monsters Baba Yaga

Series began in: Terrible Monsters: Loch Ness, Banshee, Chupacabra

 Overview:

Reclusive proto human? Gigantic hermit with a thrift shop fur coat? Mountain gorilla with a poor sense of direction and a commitment to walking upright? Bigfoot exists as more of a simian J.D. Salinger than a monster proper. A brief, immense, presence made significant by his refusal to be known.

Stalked by friendless A.V. Clubbers, like a pretty girl who once retrieved their inhaler from a of huddle mean jocks, the lore around Bigfoot is that of our pursuit, with little attention paid to his purpose or nature. He is what we need of him. The sum of our knowledge could serve as the tagline of a match.com profile:

Large, bipedal, creature enjoys long walks on the tundra, startling hikers, and thwarting the ambitions of fourth rate documentarians. Looking for fellow recluse to share lightly furnished cave and dour silences.

Continue reading →