(In response to daily prompt: Bedtime )



I am a childless man in my late thirties with unlimited wisdom and a suspicious amount of free time. My closest friends are exhausted, over- burdened, and filthy with children clamoring for answers. While I am a bad person, I am a good friend, so I’ve agreed to handle the overflow questions, provided my friends read my answer to their children, in full, without editorial interference.


Let us begin.


Dad used to check under my bed for monsters but now he says that there are no monsters. But I think that there are. Is there monsters under my bed?

  Jimmy, Age 5

I’m going to be blunt here, Jimmy, your dad dropped the ball on this one. I should say upfront that I do not know that there are monsters under your bed, but to blanket assume the non-existence of monsters, based on a few cursory checks of one location, is the worst kind of science. A few questions:

Did your you father move the bed and check the floor for trapdoors or did he just glance under it?

 How much time passed between your initial alert and his investigation?

 Do you have any reason to believe that your father has had business dealings with monsters in the past and that some debt could be owed?

Even assuming that your bed area is monster free there are several other locations in the bedroom and surrounding environs that should be cleared before peaceful sleep is advisable. Should your father be too lazy or cowardly to execute the warrant himself you will need to thoroughly investigate the following monster hotspots

Bedroom Closet

Bottom of toy chest

Underhang of bedroom window


Crawl Space under house

Trunk of car

Abandoned refrigerator in vacant lot

Godspeed, Jimmy. Should you make it through this you’ll be the man that your father only claims to be.




*Awesome kids fighting monster pictures done by Laure Fauvel


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