I used to run another site. We had a regular feature where readers would sends us letters and I would answer them publicly. These are some of my favorites.
I’m a big fan of dog racing but can never pick the right dog. Do you have having any tips for picking a sure winner?
If Bugs Bunny has taught me anything (and it has taught me many thing) it is this: that the race will unfold in the fashion which allows for the most amusing name interactions. I picture the call going as such.
Announcer: Drunken mother stumbles out of the gate…Grandfathers Hug is within an inch of Bad Touch and keeping close… Repressed Memory pushing hard for the lead.
Announcer: Baldspot giving way to Daddies New Camero… Ill-conceived making a pass on School Girls Folly on the rail… Eloquent Stranger driving Drunken Mother hard into the wall…Peeping Neighbor comes out of nowhere to inject some drama into the race.
Announcer: Baldspot is receding…Daddies New Camero is running out of gas late…Schools Girls Folly is overtaken by Bad Touch in an aggressive move…Statutory forcing his way through the pack…Oh my lord, Grandfathers Hug has just exploded past Repressed Memory to take the win.