TERRIBLE MONSTERS

The Cherubim

The Wulver

The Sphinx

The Alp

The Minotaur

Baba Yaga

The Selkie

Bigfoot

Banshee

Tales From My Vasectomy

Tales from my vasectomy part one: A.J. Turns the nurse against him

Tales from my Vasectomy part two: The preparation

Tales from my vasectomy: The Procedure

Concluded in part 4: The aftermath

Serial Fiction

Isaac The Ineffable

Act One

Part Ten: Epilogue 

 Part Nine

Part 8

Part seven

Part Six

Part Five

Part 4

Part Three

Part Two

Part One

Act Two

Chapter One: May’s new job

Lesson from a  Fantasy Princess

Lessons from a Fantasy Princess: Snow White

Lessons from a Fantasy Princess: The Little Mermaid

Lessons From a Disney Princess: Sleeping Beauty

MY KIDS STUPID QUESTIONS

My Kids stupid questions? Who is Santa’s Boss?

My Kids Stupid Questions: Monsters under the bed

Ask Sam: My kid’s stupid questions Toothfairy

ASK SAM

ASK SAM: Lessons from Tim, the Kindergarten Terrorist

Ask Sam: What is up with the Illuminati?

“In defense of Ray Rice: A terrible drunken Mistake”

Ask Sam: What should I say in a job interview?

Ask Sam: Married at First Sight

Murder In Riverdale: An Expose, Part 1

Murder In Riverdale: An Expose, Part 2

REVIEWS

 Proof: A chronicle of a day spent drinking rotgut for art

 Iscotch review

 Behind the Curve: Which brings us to Yeezus

Retroactive Book Reviews From My childhood.

I Finally Finished The Wheel of Time

REAL DAMN LETTERS

Letter Day: Shadows of the Past

Letter Day: Why can’t we be friends?

Letter Day: Questions of Literacy and Animal Interns

Real Damn Letters: Poetry On Demand

 Real Damn Letters: Pornography and the creative process

 Letter Day: The first

PROSE

The Wrong Lesson

Old Man Valliant

The Company you keep

A Momentary Kingdom

I was literally raped… for an hour, by a twelve year old camper.

Lifting heavy things short distances

Talking at Strangers

Essentially Forty

Steers, Queers, and Irrational fears: Texas’ gay problem

I was literally raped… for an hour, by a twelve year old camper.

So I fought this albino once (a shameful true story)

Public Spaces

My new office

 The world all at once

 The first thing about slavery

 I suppose Murder is legal then

 Response to a tragedy

A World Without Google

The Children I do not have

 

From the Vault

AJ Valliant Arbitrarily Ranks: Nations that broke my heart

From the Vault: Happening/Ain’t Happening

ASSESSMENT SCALES

 Rob Ford Transgression Scale

 Ignominious death scale

  Shame Scale

 Irony Scale

Disturbing Life Updates

You had one job!

Twice a coincidence, three times a conspiracy

 @AJValliant

 The Other A.J. Valliant: Cease and desist

 And now what?

  Careless Whispers

 Sam the turtle–

 

Media

Part Two of the suddenly retrospective Oscar Preview

Oscar Drive By Blowout: Part 1

 Chris Brown:Try a little tenderness

 Infectious Smile Dating Service

 Sally and I on the radio

 

Short Stories

The Streets of Old Laredo: Complete