married-at-first-sight

 Were you aware of this?

  http://nypost.com/2014/07/08/total-strangers-meet-at-the-altar-and-marry-at-first-sight/

 To spare you the full read there is a new reality show where romance experts and statisticians pour over questionnaires filled out by desperate fame hounds to find their ideal match. The end result of this process: complete strangers meet at the alter and are LEGALLY, LEGITMATELY, MARRIED! I cannot imagine the kind of mercenary sociopathy require to even conceive of this, let alone put it on the air. Can you think of a more profound subversion of social decency?

Maria of Kirkland

 ***

 Maria, there are two constants in this world that you must never doubt: The willingness of T.V. producers to debase the fundaments of social decency for profit, and my ability to find a sub-sewer to that debasement and wallow in it. As my Previous Ventures have shown I am no stranger to projects of questionable taste. Still, I can’t help but feel that my niche in the television production world is being infringed upon, so I’ll take up the gauntlet and give you a sneak peak at a couple of pilots that I have in development at the moment.

“Oliver’s Twist”

oliver

 Pitch:

A childless couple assumes foster care of ten adorable orphan scamps. Each week the children vie for the coveted gruel spoon symbolizing parental love, while the least favored is dumped into a nearby goodwill box filled with soiled clothes and broken dreams. During the heartwarming final episode one child will experience the security and joy that only a televised adoption ceremony can bring. The other will be quickly whisked off stage.

State of Development: I am currently in a pissing match with a marketing department who feels that the name is “Too Literary”. I refuse to compromise so I will keep shopping for a buyer that will respect my artistic vision.

 

“Trial Separation”

 twins

Pitch:

A pair of Siamese twins get their chance at solo love when their double is sedated, and tastefully camouflaged, while the other spends a week going on dates as a single swinging bachelor. After each gets a taste of the single life they will decide if they should stay together or go their separate ways. In the case where a vital organ is shared the audience can text votes to see whom gets the important bits, during our after show titled “The Better Half“.

State of Development:

It is surprisingly hard to camouflage a conjoined twin with any degree of efficacy. The only successful ruse required all dates be located on a crowed city bus, which really threw the vibe off.

 

“Completely Overboard”

 ovb004

Pitch:

Single fathers check out random patients from the psyche ward and try to convince them that they’ve been married for years, and that their children need her love. Will the Prosaic pleasures of parenthood win out over the prosac perils of dementia? Long con date rape, or, a romantic grift into martial bliss? You decide.

State of Development:

There have been some concerns about the capacity for consent of a few of the contestants. In the absence of said consent a surprising amount of the romantic tropes explored are fairly serious federal crimes. Hopefully our backup show “Can you acquire power of attorney over a family member” can do double duty on this front.