About

Everything you need to know about me can be deduced from the above photo

– immense pain tolerance

– propensity for launching into colorful stories with implausible premises

– besieged by imaginary cakes and well wishers at all times

– owns zero shirts of appropriate size

– lives in brush pile behind red brick house

In event of further query feel free to email aj.valliant@gmail.com or hit me up on Twitter @AJValliant and I’ll add your question to our FAQ. And answer it. Possibly with lies.

16 thoughts on “About”

  1. I see you snagged the ajvalliant.com domain name. Way to stick it to that singing Irish albino!

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  2. I’m hardly one to criticize, especially since I went by “AJ” for 16 years, but “A.J. Valliant” sounds like a suburban Texas real estate agent, a Marvel superhero sidekick (I’m thinkin’ red tights and black man panties), or a San Francisco porn star.

    Was it your parents’ first time with magic mushrooms or did they just not read the warnings on the Benadryl?

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    • While I object to being cast as a property hunter the other two sidelines are top of the bucket list and emergency backup career plan, respectively (should the personal trainer game go sour).

      As for the name: on a very technical level it is Allan Jason Valliant, which is less slick but still seemingly fake. Such is my burden.

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      • I said San Francisco porn star. Think it through.

        Actually, your full name sounds more human, less molded 80s action figure. I’ll bet you’re an Allan when nobody’s looking. This is not a bad thing.

        Trainer, eh? What’s your current training split?

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        • It is varied and complicated. Without getting too fitness dorky:

          I just finished a three week Powerlifting strength protocol (Smolov jr) that is essentially a low volume, high weight, high frequency Squat/Deadlift/Bench regime.

          I’m now a couple week into Eric Cressy’s performance/stability protocol with a bunch of targeted hip/glute work added in to unload and repair some of the training stress of the strength phase.

          This, by the way, is why I almost never talk about the technical aspects of my day job. It’s the one subject I lose all glibness and wit and become a pedantic health professional. People have learned not to ask me simple question at parties lest they get a 45 minutes lecture on the Serratus Posterior’s role in pressing.

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          • I was a bodybuilder/powerlifter for 24 years, most of them in a hardcore gym in downtown Denver. I had to chase a Bronco running back off my sled on leg day once. He was nice; Elway was a dick.

            I did all my own research and simply asked the professionals I hung around with–when half your friends are bodybuilders and trainers, you don’t need to hire one. (Neener, neener!) Never did anyone else’s program in my life. My needs were unique. I had a highly physical job, highly physical hobbies, and an extremely sensitive system that wouldn’t let me get away with much stupidity. No special supplements, no special powders, no weird aerobics equipment. Why climb a plastic wall when you live in frickin’ Colorado?

            A lot of people approached me at the dumbbell rack and asked questions but, other than showing them proper form and a few tricks, I always told them the same thing: “Learn to hear what you’re body’s asking for today and don’t ignore pain, mental or physical. Because it all ends up becoming physical in the end.”

            My favorite split was a Push/Pull/Leg program I designed together with the weight room manager at Denver (R.I.P. Al, you were the best, baby!) I broke the record for the ladies’ sled with it (back injury from work won’t allow squats) and kept it going happily for ten years until my body asked for something else.

            So…you were saying about your split?

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            • I should clarify that I don’t mean complicated in the sense that others wouldn’t understand it, it is just a lot to write out. Essentially it’s six day split with Deadlift, Squat, and Bench done twice each and an array of anti-flexion, anti-rotation cable movement and isolateral dumbbell progressions.

              Mixed in is a bunch of Bret Contreas’ hip and glute building movements with a ton of core focusing on the intra-spinals and pelvic floor.Plus hours of mobility work.

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  3. Your writing is funny, blunt, unique, offensive and a breath of fresh air to a new generation… to be honest it’s a complete opposite of my writing style and I’m glad I read! I’m nominating you for the Liebster award tonight, 7pm Eastern time if you’re interested tune in.

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  4. Oh Mr. Valliant. The most Dali-esque train-of-Sunday-thoughts led me to look you up and see if you were still writing some place where I could partake. The laugh-and-tear-garbled attempt I made to read “both options were less absurd than dry-flaying my balls with the dollar store potato peeler” aloud to my teenage son was all I needed to be so grateful that you are and to have found it.

    I am also tickled to see that as of last summer, at least, you and the wonderful Sally were still rustling in the same breezes. Please – when/if this missive makes it to you – offer her a real hug so you can both get a pretend one from me. If neither of you are huggers, I’m okay with whatever works for you both… A salubrious high five? A darkly French kiss of more than 5 minute duration? A disco-era hip bump? I’m not here to judge. I just want you both to know that you have been remembered and missed and that I will come back here as often as I can to catch up.

    From the Frigid Hinterlands and Several Years Ago
    Sulya

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well, this is a delightful surprise. Even though it was used to traumatize a young man I’m glad the running commentary of my neutering could bring some joy into your day. I hope you stick around.

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  6. He’s 14 in the digital age. It’s horrifying to admit but I’m not even sure what would traumatize him… Fortunately, as he has aged, we retain a shared and darker sense of humour. As such, I felt he would personally appreciate my having rediscovered you (cuz I was happy about it and so far he seems to still like and care about me) and your writing. The bigger issue was that I couldn’t read chosen sections out loud without laughter impeding the ability to communicate. Such is life. I will *definitely* stick around. Pleased to have so much to catch up on.

    I truly mean the following invitation as an utterly self-conscious and friendly and writer-to-writer overture not a narcissistic bid for attention: if you would like to see some of what I’ve been up to, I’ve moved into a new spot myself: sulyafenichel.com It’s built as a wordpress site but it’s a privately funded website space. Got knicker-twisty about keeping my shit on Canadian servers for some reason… Living with it for now. I have no idea what it is yet and only the vaguest idea of what I might want it to be… Perhaps that is as it should be?

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  7. Hi, there’s a guy going round using your name AJ Valliant on Twitter and other social media. I know he’s not you but thought it best to warn you.
    He is posting insults and lies. For example, he claims to be the original lead singer of boyband 911 and claims to have written songs and produced music whilst in the band. Except he was NEVER in the band! If you Google it, you will find the original lead singer is STILL in the band, apart from going from 2 members to three early on, the band lineup has never changed. The AJ Valliant posting those things is quite nasty to people, pretends he has the highest IQ whilst in reality having an average at best IQ – which there is nothing wrong with, but he shouldn’t lie about it. As your name isn’t common, people could mistake him for you so just thought it best to warn you. You might want to take legal action against him.

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  8. AJ,
    We have been friends on Facebook for some time. With change the timer to but I don’t often hear from you.
    My father had epilepsy grand mall seizures. So I know all about that and just wanted to say that a person afflicted with seizures or heart problems or whatever has never stood in the way of me loving.
    My profile isn’t exactly my whole profile because I’ve been on Facebook since the beginning and actually I’ve been this light brew I really am. Frank Mitchell account is still in Facebook jail for three more days and my other phone account which also does not have my personal information is Bladen Steel Llo And you could add me there as a friend…I just message you yesterday about that account being in jail but I’m out already. Apparently Face Book has a problem with the male body and PPs lol.
    I do have a relationship if you wanna call it that it’s complicated and I could explain to you as I think I’m being fucked over but not really sure right now.
    I seldom go to this account because people wanted to pigeonhole me into being “made of American“ and I allowed to like music I like you I actually a.m. but yes my father is Native American.
    You’re welcome to visit that account even if I haven’t posted there for awhile my personal information is there along with my education and that account is Franklin Mitchell, Bloomington Indiana. And yes I am stuck in the states am I complication person is in London and I’m trying to get out of this country because the violence and all of its issues… And even the government but I don’t think anyone is happy with their government.
    Anyway I think you have a beautiful voice I’m sure that will never leave you.
    Luckily for me I did not know who you were more of your past fame, I like to simply because I liked you without knowing of your fan I just like you for who you are.
    Anyway I’m happy that I know you and I hope we can talk further in the future more often. I post a lot of punk music because I was in that area and love for music but I’ve been in the music industry practically my whole life and dinner off and post my taste in music 100%. Let’s just say my taste in music is wide and varied. Quickly stated I like Rachmaninov answered vicious… Beethoven in the clash and everything in between. When I was growing up the partridge family was both a TV show and he was a musical figure pigeonholed into that particular style of music and I allowed to express himself but nonetheless seeing him as Keith Partridge and a sister of the party family I had a crush on them both the innocent childhood press but my point is I own the albums and I still like the music I know every word every hour I’m pretty much.There are other groups like the Doors and I know every word every song I have too. Because of my work in the musical field I have met many of what people call “the famous person”. Then again I am not starstruck at all for example when I was at university George Michael ask me out and I declined. I was not physically attracted but that was not it I did enjoy some of his music but honestly has personally go in the way. He had the same manager as my roommate actress and that’s how we came to see me one day and they ask me out. LOL. When they were still famous Devo Ask me to come work for them and go on tour with them but I was once again at University, young, and then love. It was my deep abiding hello more than anything that allowed me to turn down that opportunity and I regret it to this day. That great love tour of my life and again off again for 10 years and ended that with a bang but A whimper…
    And back them I was bisexual and now I lean more towards you men. My “romance“ for it was the word was with a young man will ever remain the love of my life… We slept in a single bed and were inseparable but never had sex. That in its self is a long story and I was willing but he had issues.
    Between those romances Kelly who is a singer songwriter and ban number and still is and Preston King my greatest love and Bromance.. broke my heart so badly that truthfully I’ve never loved like that again even though I’ve been open to it.
    Well there you have it a bit about me.
    I am sure you are more than your Facebook profile and what is revealed there as we all are. What I like about you is your straightforward and honest with a sense of humour and can make fun of yourself and I am much the same. I will be back on my Frank Mitchell account in three days but you should add me as a friend on my Bladen Steel Llo Account and I am friends with myself right ritual LOL and if you wanna see more about me my education et cetera you can go to the Franklin Mitchell account… I could give that ring to you if you want and cannot find me.
    I have no idea whether or not this will get to you but I will copy and paste it into your Facebook message as well.
    For now I will say, cheers, and thank you for the good music and basically for being you. ❤️ And a big PS here I have been stuck several times in my life by people that were a bit later say… Well they had mental health issues and still stalking me or was no fun and one actually put me in great fear while at university and I had to have university security walk me to my vehicle or he was stalking me. The female stalker… I was in my backyard getting some sun with my eyes closed and I woke to this stalker kissing me… Scared the shit out of me. So no I’m not that kind of person but I’m sure you get that a lot given your good looks and fame 😁 anyway sir write me or don’t…lol.
    ✌️ PS my old website has not been updated it over 2 decades… and the screen only tells of my academic professor and artist realms of reality and exclusive things like my involvement in the music industry that academia/universities would frown upon. It is actually completely safe and I know this because I have many people go there including past universities in the past with no problem. Honestly I kind of reacted that way to say and secure to avoid identity theft and stalkers.
    That website is: http://www.franklinmitchell.blogspot.com
    And please note that my artwork shown there is academic acceptable work and not to be compared to my artistic endeavours paintings et cetera installations et cetera shown in New York and LA and other countries. Academia does not always like cutting edge LOL.

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