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Category Archives: Real Life Report

Night Hammocking

31 Thursday May 2018

Posted by A.J. Valliant in Prose, Real Life Report

≈ 4 Comments

The-Best-Backyard-Hammock-Ideas-For-Relaxation-29

I’ve been doing a lot of night hammocking lately. There are assumptions made of a man swaying in a hammock past midnight. It’s arbitrary, but I get it. I once saw a lady hang a row of wet doll clothes on a line at 10pm and I almost called the cops. Where are those dolls going that it can’t wait until morning?

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A Momentary Kingdom

10 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by A.J. Valliant in Real Life Report, Troubling true stories

≈ 2 Comments

childking

When I was 6 years old I was made King of my class. There was a coronation with a paper crown and kind words from the teacher. It was not explained why I had been made King [1], but I had engaged so rarely with the class that I couldn’t rule out some forgotten claim to a monarchy that had existed unnoticed around me. On some level it felt earned. Continue reading →

My Preemptive Enhanced Security Travel Admission form

10 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by A.J. Valliant in ask sam, Political Satire, Real Life Report

≈ Leave a comment

esta

  As consequence of recent regime change in the U.S.A it has become more difficult for travelers from afar to enter their country. Currently Canadians don’t need to fill out an ESTA form, but as a show of good faith to our paranoid American cousins I’m going to throw my trustable bonifides up for public consumption, to avoid being placed on any unfortunate lists. All statements are legitimately true with limited artistic embellishment.

 

ESTA-REGISTRATION FORM

General Information

Title : Viscount

Family Name : Valliant

First Name: Allan Jason George

Are you known by any other names or aliases ? (optional*): Pistachio, Frambojan, Creepy Mexican Guy on a bike, Ahmed Jamal, Alejandro Jesus, Richard Vanion, Slap Dandy, Buttons Delacroix, Robert Elliot, Scrote Totem, Da Realest.

Date of Birth: June 25 1976

City of birth : Ottawa

Country of birth : Canada

Gender : Male

Marital status: Essential married. I could leave town if I wanted to, but I feel like we’ve been together long enough that it should count.

Details about your health and your character

8th Level Personal Trainer

STR: 14 INT:15 WIS:4 DEX:11 CON:13 CHR:15

HP: 45

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The Other A.J. Valliant: Cease and desist

24 Wednesday Jul 2013

Posted by A.J. Valliant in Real Life Report

≈ 3 Comments

cease-and-desist-silver

There is another A.J. Valliant. Properly Irish. Technically a musician. And apparently quite litigious.  A while back I mentioned him in passing in a facebook post.

” I am now the proud owner of AJVALLIANT.com. Take that Albino Irish soul singer A.J. that’s always trying to steal my glory”

 You see previously his myspace page would come  up first when I googled my own name. With the founding of AJVALLIANT.com I returned to my rightful place at the top of the pile and considered the matter forgotten. Ah, but not so fast much-loved Canadian A.J. Valliant. You see today I checked the Other folder in facebook messages and found a communiqué that had lain fallow since Jan 7th{1]. It went as follows

“Hiya, I am the Albino Irish Singer, you have been insulting on your facebook Timeline. I have been in Equity, which is a union for performers, for 20 years. I feel that you are stating rubbish when you say to the general public, that I have pinched your name. To avoid legal proceedings, I would advise you to cease your tirade on faceboook, concerning my name. Ps. I am not an Albino. I look forward to hearing from yourself, within the near future”

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