My new computer died and almost burnt down my house. No, that doesn’t make sense. My new computer almost burnt down my house before it died. It happened a while ago. At this point I feel like the president eulogizing the latest mass shooting while the next gunman buys ammo around the block.

The glib post I made about the last one self destructing is still on the front page. I feel like I was in the middle of burying my first child, only to have my second-born stumble carelessly into the grave and smash his brains out on his brother’s casket. Do I even bother with another coffin, or, do I just shovel dirt onto the mangled pile and pretend like I only had one kid to begin with.

I am not a bad person and I only use my computers to compute. I have not read the operating manual but I assume there is nothing in there about dying aflame in your bed if you try and watch three shows in a row. I can’t decide if I should write the company and ask what I am doing wrong, or, just start apologizing randomly to ATM’s and pocket calculators that I pass on the street. Do they still sell journals?