Do you feel that internet pornography is destructive to the creative process?

  David K.

  I can’t remember the last time that I jerked off to a still photo. There was a day when I could bust one out to crudely drawn sketches of someone else looking at a sears catalogue. What happened to my imagination? And to the willingness of creepy strangers to hand draw recursive pornography for me? These are minor issues.

A much bigger problem is the hours I’ve lost to adorable animal GIFs. Porn has a fairly limited appeal, with a fast tracked fascination/disillusionment cycle. Grim, but time efficient.

You can’t jerk the charm out of a rabbit in a bowtie falling down some stairs. There is no point of satiety. My eyes could be bleeding from hours on buzzfeed and if someone presented me a video of a mouse dressed up like a Jockey, riding a turtle dressed up like a different kind of jockey, of course I’m going to watch it. This is a real problem.



Dear Sam the Turtle,

 I don’t like to work, but I like to receive a paycheque. How can I marry my need for free time and creative expression that no one will pay me for with my need for shopping?


Golden Handcuffs

What you have before you is artistic ambitions grand trichotomy: the Grift, the Grind, and the Hustle. Ain’t nothing free in this world, but we do have some say in terms of purchase and payment. Let us break down the GGH of your situation

 The Grift: Life is a long con where we tell ourselves that the things we need are the pieces we are missing. The truth is that there is no whole, just want and whim and situation. Once you stop chasing the mythical whole you can push aside want and whim and focus on situation.

The Grind: You are a try-er by nature. You contest what resists you, chase what evades you,  and value the hard end more than the process. The lure of free time and boundless creativity is a function of denial and limited opportunity, without work in opposition freedom becomes an open mic and empty space that amounts to nothing.

 The Hustle: Found moments produce great art. The sweetest breaths are those taken at the end of long dives, the strongest notes those sung in defiance of  a quiet room. Accept the trichotomy and know that the struggle is more than half the worth.


I enjoy the clothes of Forever 21 but the name is so depressing I avoid shopping there. Do you have any suggestions for rebranding that I could forward to their corporate office?

  Naked in Toronto

I’ll give it a shot,

Forever 21:

 Actually 37

 My Daughters Closet

 Just a few eggs left!


Who do you feel is responsible for the rash of unexplained deaths and mysterious disappearances in Riverdale throughout the 80’s. My personal investigation has raised many troubling questions but I was never able to fully zero in on a suspect.

 A Concerned Citizen

 Due to the lengthy nature of my journalistic investigation I’m going to have to spin the answer off into a part 2 to be posted later this week.


To have your questions answer Email: realdamnletters@gmail.com. Wisdom awaits.