Overview

* It is important to understand the relationship between that of the Greek gods and their worshipers was less unknowable maker and subject, and more coked up frat boy and passed out fraternity pledge. If you wronged them you they might not strike you down, but you’d waken to the divine equivalent of dicks drawn on your face and carrots shoved up your ass. I say this not to damn them, but to assure you that the more depraved bits of this myths are taken straight from the text and not the product of exaggeration on my part.*

THE MINOTAUR

It was the olden days in Crete and there was a succession crisis brewing. As was the custom at the time, the tentative king, Minos, prayed to the gods to send some omen blessing the rightness of his claim. Poseidon, in a rare generous mood, sent a majestic white bull bursting forth from the sea foam, with the understanding that Minos would sacrifice it to commemorate his ascension to the throne.

Minos, ungrateful dick that he was, decided to unilaterally alter the terms of the contract, figuring he could keep the White Bull and sacrifice a scrub one from his herd in its place. I should mention that Crete was an Island kingdom and Poseidon was the god of the sea. Or, at least, someone should have mentioned it, as Minos seemed bizarrely confident that double crossing a vengeful deity with sway over two thirds of the Earth was an ace move that couldn’t possibly backfire.

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