17 Monday Aug 2015
Posted in Terrible Monsters
Overview:
Note the creature in the Foreground of the above painting; that is the Alp. In the background stands a crazy horse that also intended to smother that woman, only to be let down by lax planning. The painting was inspired by the German children’s tale “The Alp and the murderous horse who slept in”. The moral of the tale: “Only a few are murdered, but we are all the victims of poor time management”. I should back up. Continue reading
18 Thursday Dec 2014
Posted in Terrible Monsters
Overview
* It is important to understand the relationship between that of the Greek gods and their worshipers was less unknowable maker and subject, and more coked up frat boy and passed out fraternity pledge. If you wronged them you they might not strike you down, but you’d waken to the divine equivalent of dicks drawn on your face and carrots shoved up your ass. I say this not to damn them, but to assure you that the more depraved bits of this myths are taken straight from the text and not the product of exaggeration on my part.*
THE MINOTAUR
It was the olden days in Crete and there was a succession crisis brewing. As was the custom at the time, the tentative king, Minos, prayed to the gods to send some omen blessing the rightness of his claim. Poseidon, in a rare generous mood, sent a majestic white bull bursting forth from the sea foam, with the understanding that Minos would sacrifice it to commemorate his ascension to the throne.
Minos, ungrateful dick that he was, decided to unilaterally alter the terms of the contract, figuring he could keep the White Bull and sacrifice a scrub one from his herd in its place. I should mention that Crete was an Island kingdom and Poseidon was the god of the sea. Or, at least, someone should have mentioned it, as Minos seemed bizarrely confident that double crossing a vengeful deity with sway over two thirds of the Earth was an ace move that couldn’t possibly backfire.
20 Sunday Jul 2014
Posted in Fatansy princess
*Series premise explained and Snow White examined in the first part: Lessons from a Fantasy Princess: Snow White*and Lesson From a Fantasy Princess: The Little Mermaid
The Plot
Once upon a time a child was born to a King and Queen. As was the custom at the time, the monarchs invited a few fairies to drop by and magically bless the deficient lump into something more in keeping with their standards.
The first Faerie, despite both parents being quite attractive, foresaw the bucktoothed, man-handed, tank-assed hooker that the girl would grow into, and so gifted her with the blessing of Beauty.The Second Faerie, knowing that the girls fundamental worth had been established, gave her the gift of song, that she might amuse the crowds drawn to her beauty.At that point the evil faerie Maleficent, furious at being excluded from a middling kingdoms baby shower, damned the child with the curse of dying at sixteen from a spinning wheel-inflicted stroke. The Third Faerie, denied her opportunity to grant the gift of great taste in shoes, amended Maleficent’s blessing to a sleep that can only be lifted by true love’s kiss. The King responded to this shocking turn of events by ordering the destruction of all spinning wheels in the kingdom and turning custody of his child over to the fairies, to be raised in a cottage in the woods until she came of age. Continue reading
25 Wednesday Jun 2014
Posted in Terrible Monsters
In our first examination of the terrible monsters of the world we sought to process the horrors of Insipid Sea Monsters, Foreboding Fae, and Goat Sucking cryptids. Each legend contained the vested fear, doubt, and thwarted values of the unwashed masses of each nation. Our deconstruction proved highly informative, and potentially libelous, but very little fear was evoked by the tepid collection of would be nightmares. Disappointing.
Still, our pursuit is too noble to be dissuaded by poor early returns. One simply needs reach into the psyche of more troubled nations. Let us begin, Round 2!
Baba Yaga
Overview:
Baba Yaga, purloiner of children, devourer of men, the iron toothed witch that stalked the forests of pre Czarist Russia with the brutality of a slavic nightmare and the absurdity of a Monty Python animated short. Generations of careless children and foolish men wandered into the demonic crones clutches, driven into the woods by the promise of delicious pine sap and a reprieve from long depressing stories that go nowhere. No riddle, secret name, or act of kindness would stay her predation, her only game was hunger….and to play was to die.
20 Sunday Apr 2014
Posted in Fatansy princess
Tags
I have been preparing lately to have a daughter. I’m not expecting, nor willing, I just like having skills I don’t need. Part of this preparation has been an exhaustive meta analysis of Princess based literature, to better understand the lessons imparted and how that would blend with my parenting style. We shall begin with Snow White.
Snow White
