*Series premise explained and Snow White examined in the first part: Lessons from a Fantasy Princess: Snow White*
The Plot
A self-hating fish-woman craves the excitement, material splendor, and external genitalia of the surface world. Upon discovering a ship full of humans, she spies on them, becomes obsessed with a prince, and trades her voice to Ursula the Sea Witch for three days worth of legs. To make the change permanent she needs to obtain the true kiss of love or her deed of ownership will be transferred from Prince Eric back unto Ursula.
Ursula manages to leverage this initial bargain to guilt the king into giving up his magic trident, dignity, and status as a vertebrate. General mayhem ensues, and then Prince Eric drives his manly harpoon into the Seahag’s rear. Ariel’s voice is snatched back, more mayhem, and Prince Eric takes control of the situation by ramming the jagged prow of his busted ship straight though Ursula’s backless dress.
The king returns to form and retrieves his trident, and so moved is he by the power of Eric’s thrusting he not only accepts him as a son-in-law, he also magically changes his teenage daughter’s species — forever — so she can marry a dude she’s known for a week. The end.
A fair reading of the subtext
If a sixteen year old becomes discontent with her privileged life, it is perfectly reasonable to risk the destruction and enslavement of her entire culture to monkey bar herself from a controlling royal father figure onto an unknown handsome surrogate living in a desirable foreign locale. Should one need to make bargains with dark forces to achieve this don’t worry about the inevitable fallout, or actually keeping your word, strong men will eventually thrust your troubles into submission and return your voice to you at their earliest convenience.
–
Lessons inherent to the story
- If you keep doubling down on an flawed first impulse eventually karma will take over and lend a happy outcome to a series of self destructive choices. While impulsiveness and stupidity do sow turmoil and woe, there is no problem so great that a good man can’t gouge his way out of it with a busted table leg if properly motivated.
- Before deciding if a man is worthy of your heart and life-long fidelity, you must have the following information:
Are they passably handsome?
Do they have a dog that they occasionally play with?
Can they wear two boots, at the same time, without undue discomfort?
Once the preceding have been answered to an acceptable degree, feel free to abandon your family, culture, species, and justifiable unease with the dark arts to facilitate a second chance encounter with said gentleman.
- Should you choose to marry outside your species, the spiraling consequences will eventually lead to the collapse of your culture and enslavement of your father. So ladies, make sure you can pass fully or the stains of the past will dim the luster of your bright future. Remember, bitches hate fishes that switches for riches…so be sure to have a ready back story about growing up at some eccentric Oceanside boarding school.
Addendum
–If you are a moron hang out with bait fish and seagulls, you will feel smarter in comparison.
Lessons that I hope my daughter will extract
If you feel compelled to swap your voice for legs in a poorly negotiated dark bargain with the evilest person in town, go ahead. If you are honestly that stupid you probably had little worth saying in the first place. But when seller’s remorse sets in don’t expect me to give up my magical powers to bail you out; I have seven other singing daughters, I’ll be fine. If that upsets you, take up interpretive dance and choreograph a slanderous ballet about what a terrible father I am.
- If a dude lack the stones to make a move, despite a choir of sea creatures[1] with orchestral accompaniment urging him on, he’s either impotent or a low jacked sex offender terrified of slipping up again. Cut your losses. Best case scenario he’s the straight-talking gay friend you clearly need, although you could just listen to the sassy crab version you’ve had all long.
- If you are a 16 year old mermaid suffering from first crush angst, and demanding to have your species magically changed so you can ditch town for an ill-conceived marriage in the human world, don’t be surprised if I suddenly can’t find my Trident. I am not your fairy godmother, I’m your father. If you want legs, earn them. Get a job, do some charity work with underprivileged sun fish, strike up a friendship with someone with opposable thumbs. Actually live in the world that you are so dismissive of.
If you still want to abandon your culture and live in the human world, once that desire is rooted in empathy and perspective, I’ll give you three legs and a going away party. If your burning love cannot bear such prudence… feel free to live in the bathtub in your beloved’s guest house, but you need to understand that change without cost is performance, not growth, and I will not be a party to it.
[1]Given those were ocean going creatures in a freshwater river they almost certainly died as soon as that musical number was over.
*Series premise explained and Snow White examined in the first part: Lessons from a Fantasy Princess: Snow White*
Series concluded In Lesson from a Fantasy Princess: Sleeping Beauty
Es shat em sirum ays multi
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An excellent analysis of my favourite childhood film. I wanted to be Ariel once upon a time but when you put it all like that, I’m a glad I’m not. I’m totes going to dig out the film though and watch with my adult head on. I may still sing along…
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If the movie was just Sebastien the outrageous signing crab I may well have become a marine biologist. For all it suspect genders lessons the musical numbers are fantastic.
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Reblogged this on gerl1202student.
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HAHA most Disney Princesses had a love at first sight. and more to that…LOL
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The idea of a soulmate is compelling…but it can lead to some unsupportable long term choices.
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“Unsupportable” which means chaos… Haha… no wonder why most of us fail or the like in the end…
🙂
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We fail because hard things are worth pursuing…but that doesn’t make them any easier.
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Definitely, AJ.
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Reblogged this on Informativox and commented:
lol
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Having recently visited Disneyland, and seen all the little girl’s in their princess dresses, I’ve had the effect of Disney princesses on America’s girls on my mind. Love this article!
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The mecca of princess culture.
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so fun to read!
whenyoucantsleeptonight.wordpress.com
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A great read. Only watched it for the first time the other week. A lot of valid points here
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That is a late watch for cannon childhood movie.
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I know! Only just watched sleeping Beauty too. I had watched Shawshank Redemption and the Terminator films by age 8… Yet waited till 22 to fill in the Disney gaps.
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Am I the only one who was waiting for the original ending and was disappointed she didn’t turn to seafoam?
Congrats on being “Freshly Pressed”!
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Give her time, could be delayed response thing.
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Interesting analysis! Never understood how Ariel is considered one of the disney princesses gang, and you pretty much clarified it very well.
Interesting read as well!
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It’s not a hard club to get into if you have the right connections.
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LOL! That cracked me up!
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Reblogged this on iscatterplots.
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great
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Excelleent, and very funny!
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Thank you.
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I thoroughly enjoyed this post! Thank you.
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You are quite welcome.
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==
Visit read and help
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The Liebster Award
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Liebster Award. Hopefully I do not bother you, because I liked your blog and thought you deserved it! Keep writing!
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Reblogged this on everything livia and commented:
Haha I love explaining how shallow and stupid Disney princess stories are to my daughter
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Brilliant. Just brilliant.
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Much obliged.
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Wow – that was an awesome take down of the Little Mermaid.
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She’s had a free ride for too long.
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This is an awesomely sarcastical, cynical, and TRUE post! Thank heaven, I’ve finally found someone who hates Disney as much as I do!
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I appreciate the compliment, but I should clarify that I don’t actually hate disney, especially their Pixar branch, I just have issue with the message of some of their content.
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Yeah, of course. Who hates Mickey Mouse! I agree, it’s really the content.
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haha love this – so funny and so true. The Disney films and stories are just terrible when it comes to real values and morals – but so funny when you break it down like this! Looking forward to reading the rest 🙂
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Thank you. I’ll likely take a while off the Princess theme to keep from burning it out, but it will make a reappearance for sure.
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“Bitches hate fishes that switches for riches” is the best thing I’ve ever heard.
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You are the first one to dial in on my favorite line. I’ve been getting a lot of plaudits for the well intentioned worthy parts, but catty wordplay is by far the most fun to write. Gold star!
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Thank you! I shall hang it with pride.
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Reblogged this on chrissijhonaker and commented:
This breakdown of one of my most favorite Disney movies is one of the most appropriate and hilarious things I have read in a very long while. The sarcastic comments and real world view of a beloved fairytale was an ingenious way to veiw this movie and old fairy tale. Despite my love for this story I believe I love it much more now just so I can have a new wonderful laugh at her stupidity in finding true love with an unlikely person who honestly could’ve been high for all we know and this entire story is secretly just two high people running around a kitchen with an octopus and a sink full of water.
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Most great art stems from a bad trip and unreliable narration.
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Great perspective. We are all taught to find Prince Charming! They just come in all different shapes and sizes.
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Princes are like Snake Skin, you need to change when you grow and not get too attached.
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Love it! I am not a Disney lover like oh so many other hapless women and this is exactly why. As one other said here – I might watch it again with my “adult head on” though. Thanks!
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You are quite welcome.
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I loved reading this, even though it was clearly bashing one of my favorite Disney flicks. I loved the part where you were describing the 3 things you had to know before deciding if a man is worthy of life long fidelity!
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It is important to have a process.
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в
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genius – this is hysterical and insightful!
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Damn decent of you to day, sir.
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it’s the truth!
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Excellent!
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Thank you.
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This is pretty awesome haha
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I dug it.
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I absolutely love your read of little Mermaid. The only Disney Princess I like is Mulan!!!
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I respect anyone who rides a Panda.
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In a home filled with Disney movies, The Little Mermaid was never welcomed. Even when dear friends spewed about it being a fan-favorite, I could not fathom why. Thanks for this humorous clarity.
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I’m delighted to have led any insight to the matter.
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Awesome read!
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Thank you.
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Hi, I’m a new blogger. I like this article a lot 🙂 If you have time, I hope you (all) can visit my blog and help me improve by leaving me some comments. Thank you very much!
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This was amazing. And what’s terrifying about that last screen cap is that Ariel’s whole torso could fit inside Triton’s bicep.
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Merfolk continue to grow enormously well into middle age. A deep and building sense of inadequacy awaits Prince Eric in the years to come.
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Wow absolutely hilarious. Never thought about it that way…witty, well written and great extractions from the story. Being a former princess circa me at age 7 (when I at least thought I was one) Lol, Ariel was one of my fav’s and I have to say you’ve shed new light on her superFISHial ways. ha ha Thanks for the laugh! Looking forward to more.
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I very much appreciate that.
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Reblogged this on daeonnachauka and commented:
I love this movie.
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I was laughing out loud in my mind while reading this …tehee :-*)
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I glad I could stir up some mental fizz.
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I never would have guessed a man or a father would have taken on this subject. Fun to read, even though I have never seen this movie. You summarized the plot and still made points that apply.
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While I think many of messages are target at women I still dug the hell out of the Disney stuff when I was young. It is still worth a watch as an adult, you can just see the strings.
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It is hard not to like Disney even as an adult and writing anything that is slightly critical puts you in a position where other adults may condemn you. I have my issues with the puppetry and persuasion but it is so hard to say anything and keep it light as you have which is why I especially enjoyed your post. You ride the line and tell the truth without being offensive. I have trouble with that so I admire it in others. Looking forward to some more truths from your blog.
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Reblogged this on shanric and commented:
Love it!
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Reblogged this on Like a Deer Panting for Water….
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Haha! I literally laughed out loud! Excellent writing and awesone sense of humour 😀 wish I could write like you 😉 x well done
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Thank you kindly.
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I really Like this. Ariel was my favorite Disney movie and now i feel stupid
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Please, I loved Dukes of Hazzard growing up. I was sure that if you could jump a ditch during a police chase you were cleared of all charges. There is nothing wrong with not parsing the sociological subtext of a cartoon. I enjoyed most of the Disney stuff as a kid as well.
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I love the Dukes of Hazzard to but my favorite is Bo.
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I could not stop laughing! I have grown up with the Disney Princess films and will love them until the day I die, but watching them as an adult is amusing in a totally different way and you hit every nail on the head. You should do a post like this for every one. Very entertaining.
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Thank you. I’ll likely do one other to land the trilogy, but things like this loss their charm, as a reader and writer, with too much repetition.
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“bitches hate fishes that switches for riches…” This line is number one!
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It is my favorite too.I essentially had to rewrite the rest of section to make that line fit, but when would I have another opportunity to say that?
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LOL! Because changing yourself for your man is alwaaaayyys a good idea(!) Also, Ursula is a weird name.
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It is an old Russian for the rest of setting. Still, the Cold War wasn’t that long before.
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Reblogged this on Apps Lotus's Blog.
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Reblogged this on 21st Century Girls and commented:
As a Princess lover (along with fairytales), one cannot simply stay in a privilaged life. Its next to impossible for a teenager to stay in a routine just for the hell of it. But hey, if a grown man can’t understand that, its better that he stays a grown man.
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I will never pretend to understand the vagaries of the teenage female heart.
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