I don’t trust my algorithm; it knows too much and understands too little. I could be in denial, but I think I am misrepresented by my interests. I consume a lot of content about MMA, comics, powerlifting, culinary history, and survival/stealth camping. It feels eclectic, but largely benign. Youtube thinks I am a misogynistic prepper that sneaks into abandoned buildings to whisper the N-word. Or it did; I made some adjustments.

    I cut the obvious stuff first: Sovereign citizen constitutional audits. Parent fights at t-ball games. Rogan. I stopped reading the Relationship Advice subreddit. I trimmed my pop culture commentary down to cool lesbians explaining movies and black SF nerds with great taste. It helped, but the algorithm abhors a categorical vacuum. Youtube took a scatter shot approach to try and find my throughline. Niche channels with double digit views flooded my feed. Loners unboxing toothbrushes. A homeless Japanese man who skateboards and hacks soup vending machines. A Russian couple with three freeroaming Cheattahs and one nervous toddler (ratio subject to change). It wasn’t better, but I was making moves. 

 It took three months for me to fall in love. I stumbled into my first Athens, Ohio city council meeting mid-broadcast. There were twelve other viewers and no likes; I added one of each. They were debating an increase in municipal funding for sidewalk de-icing, as the path to the library had become quite treacherous. I watched the full hour remaining and felt a calm and purpose that I could not explain. The next broadcast was the nervous head of the Athens Historical society, recounting the town’s founding and early typhoid outbreak. I listened patiently, and then dug into the back issues of the historical  archive to fact check him. My man was on point. I suspect I am the sole Canadian reader of their publication.

 A year has passed since my first council meeting and I have virtually attended most of them. I am often the sole like. I do not comment; I’m a tourist not a taxpayer. The townsfolk are good natured, the council steady, and the mayor a silver-maned statesman. As my fondness for Athens grew, America took a hard turn into a dystopian tech-oligarch nightmare. The president of Canada’s closest ally announced plans to cripple our economy, threatened annexation, and handed  the reins of democracy to the absolute worst of humanity. My concept of Americans shifted from friendly neighbours to a monolithic and malicious other. It was difficult to remember the good. 

 On the one year anniversary of my first city council meeting they raised the salt budget so seniors could get to the library safely. A lovely older lady’s voice broke repeatedly while explaining how she’d been afraid she would lose the best part of her day, but that everything was now ok. I’ve only cried a handful of times in my adult life. It’s not healthy, but it doesn’t come easily. I watched that budget resolution pass with tears in my eyes and fought to keep from sobbing. The unprocessed grief of America suddenly becoming this hostile nation that held Canada in contempt and belittled our sovereignty broke through. I knew I was angry, but that numb feeling of otherness had kept my sadness at bay, until my adopted small town did a small kind thing and the wall broke.   

 If all I knew of America was the news I would have very little hope. I spent a year collecting evidence that things were as bad as they seemed and that the collapse of society was imminent. I felt a duty to remain informed, but in the process I trained my algorithm to create a cynical distance between myself and others. I sought out the worst and simplest version of things because it was easier to be angry than sad.I knew too much and understood too little.

  There are good people in Athens, Ohio. They don’t know me but I think they would like me. I can imagine us chatting politely on a history walk through the typhoid graveyard. We wouldn’t talk politics, but make little proofs of shared decency through books we’d read and songs we liked. Maybe the Mayor would buy me coffee and ask my thoughts on the proposed changes in weekend parking. I hope when things are better I can visit for real.