I spent the closing days of 2014 robbed of the power of speech. While I would prefer the romance of political suppression, the conspiracy was entirely viral; laryngitis that is. For those unfamiliar with my real life incarnation I soliloquize like a speedfreak Sorkin character on a long car trip. Verbosity is my social currency, professional capital, and primary superpower. A silent A.J. is sadder than a mud caked hawk, bound and dragged by mice through its high school reunion; an unracked raconteur condemned to silence and listening. I legitimately fear for the mental health of my friends and clients when my voice fully returns.

In other new: my ears now mysteriously heat up and turn red. Sally thinks it’s a syndrome. I suspect it is some ingrained capacity to detect evil magics used against me. Now whether this is proof of some latent power manifesting, or an uptick is evil magical aggression is debatable, but so far the only down side is Sally chanting “Red ear, Red ear” and taking pictures for some future collage. I have not ruled her out as a suspect.

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(premise of series explained in The FIRST ONE)

Why can’t I play all the time? School is bad and mom always make me clean and talk about my day. I love playing and hate reading and math[1]. When I’m grownup I will only play and only be friends with kids.

 David, age 5

David, there is a shit ton wrong with your plans and your policy and your general attitude on this matter. I’m sure your parents have laid out the basic moral failings of your position, and given you a cursory understanding of a Keynesian demand side economy, so I will focus on the ugly emotional reality of what you are proposing. As you are five, and therefore quite stupid, I will do so in the form of a fable. Strap in kid, this could keep you from being a forty year old that carries around a skate board for no reason, lives on a couch, and “supports” himself by taping up flyers for club shows that he can’t get into.

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In response to Daily Prompt: Head Turners

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/head-turners/

Last night, in a regrettable lapse of judgment, I wore my headset while playing GTAV online. While I managed to filter out the misguided racial slurs and lazy homophobia, the following disclosure caught my attention.

 ” Guy, I was literally raped… for an hour straight, by a twelve year old camper “

 The speaker Lega1Bud420 directed this at UrMombloes, the pilot of the attack helicopter in which we were fleeing the police. Now my natural inclination would be to chalk this up as colorful speech, but Bud had assured us this was a plain spoken, literal account of events, devoid of hyperbole or narrative color. He’d been sexually assaulted, at length, by a juvenile outdoor enthusiast. UrMombloes asked the natural follow up. Continue reading →

 Were you aware of this?

  http://nypost.com/2014/07/08/total-strangers-meet-at-the-altar-and-marry-at-first-sight/

 To spare you the full read there is a new reality show where romance experts and statisticians pour over questionnaires filled out by desperate fame hounds to find their ideal match. The end result of this process: complete strangers meet at the alter and are LEGALLY, LEGITMATELY, MARRIED! I cannot imagine the kind of mercenary sociopathy require to even conceive of this, let alone put it on the air. Can you think of a more profound subversion of social decency?

Maria of Kirkland

 ***

 Maria, there are two constants in this world that you must never doubt: The willingness of T.V. producers to debase the fundaments of social decency for profit, and my ability to find a sub-sewer to that debasement and wallow in it. As my Previous Ventures have shown I am no stranger to projects of questionable taste. Still, I can’t help but feel that my niche in the television production world is being infringed upon, so I’ll take up the gauntlet and give you a sneak peak at a couple of pilots that I have in development at the moment.

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