Cancer: Jun 21 – Jul 22

Sign : A Crab or A Horrifying Wasting Disease I don’t usually editorialize in this portion but I need to address the etymological elephant in room. My zodiac sign is the most jarring Homonym in the English language. Were I to loudly discuss my birth sign in a crowded restaurant it would likely trigger deeply painful memories in at least a few diners at surrounding tables. The worst thing a doctor could possibly tell you is also the thing that describes the traits and tendencies that define me on a pseudo-spiritual level. When I Googled famous Cancers, the first two hits were Nikola Tesla and Childhood Leukemia. Stop whining, Virgo. You don’t have it so bad. Continue reading →

My friends know that I write. A few are regular readers. Occasionally, upon first acquaintance, strangers will mention they’ve stumbled over a thing or two I put up. The feeling is somewhere between discovering that you’re reading the same book as the person sitting beside you on the bus, and finding a wallet on the street with your picture folded lovingly inside it; gratifying, with the slightest hint of unease and latent obligation.

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I spent the closing days of 2014 robbed of the power of speech. While I would prefer the romance of political suppression, the conspiracy was entirely viral; laryngitis that is. For those unfamiliar with my real life incarnation I soliloquize like a speedfreak Sorkin character on a long car trip. Verbosity is my social currency, professional capital, and primary superpower. A silent A.J. is sadder than a mud caked hawk, bound and dragged by mice through its high school reunion; an unracked raconteur condemned to silence and listening. I legitimately fear for the mental health of my friends and clients when my voice fully returns.

In other new: my ears now mysteriously heat up and turn red. Sally thinks it’s a syndrome. I suspect it is some ingrained capacity to detect evil magics used against me. Now whether this is proof of some latent power manifesting, or an uptick is evil magical aggression is debatable, but so far the only down side is Sally chanting “Red ear, Red ear” and taking pictures for some future collage. I have not ruled her out as a suspect.

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